Yeah, your mom is totally nuts. WHY? Let me tell you why. Because I have a kid with this crazy spider bite on his arm that had to go back to Children's urgent care, but I also help out my BFF and get her kids off the bus, and I have to wait until at least 4:30 to get my littles off the bus and then need to pick up my 7th grader from Volleyball practice at 5. These are all simple issues...no big deal. UNTIL one of the two ways into town from my house is closed and I sit for an hour in traffic to go from Batavia High School to Batavia Middle school...which is roughly 6 miles...yeah. It sucked. The whole entire time I'm thinking "crap, I'm 45 min late now", no I pull up to the school and have the most pissed off coach I've ever seen in my entire life. They called off practice at 4 and have been sitting there trying to get a hold of me. WHAT? So, in situations like this I'm not one to make excuses for myself, because c'mon...does anyone really care why you're late when you're late? Not really. So, I just sat an hour in traffic to go roughly six miles, to get a lecture from a coach about how they have to be able to reach us and how traffic is no excuse because all the other parents were there 45 mins ago. I take it, say sorry...which at that point I truly was sorry I had NO IDEA why my husband wasn't picking up the phone and felt horrible. I get in the car and ask Li why she didn't just sit with her cousin at football practice...her coach wouldn't let her etc because she was responsible. I get home and ask my husband why he didn't pick up the phone? He said he received no calls or messages. Yep, that's right...she was calling the wrong number...because Li gave her the last digits of 4179 instead of 4174. I have to wonder why I even filled out contact information if no one is going to use it(because I MADE SURE to put the right number). So now I have to face this awkward pissed off situation that really wasn't my fault at all because EVERYTHING went wrong yesterday. I mean what are the chances that practice is called off, a road is closed down, Traffic is INSANE and someone dials the wrong number all in one day? You'd be surprised how often this kind of crap happens to me personally though.
I feel cursed. I'm like an example of Murphy's Law every day of my life. For example....after the volleyball scenario I have to take Joey to the doctor....so of course it''s a god awful wait and I end up there until 10:30 at night. OF COURSE Karleigh wakes up in the worst mood ever and doesn't want to wear the shoes or shirt or hair or ANYTHING that was perfectly acceptable the night before...oh AND OF COURSE Aubreigh's poison ivy spread to epic proportions last night so that I have to cover her entire legs in calamine while fighting Karleigh to keep her shirt on and let me comb her hair. AND OF COURSE I forgot to dry the freaking towels the night before and my husband is banging on the bathroom door asking where the towels are....and I'm throwing him a hoodie to dry off because I failed at life.
As Karleigh is screaming "I don't like mommy" because we have to ride in the van because we missed the bus, I realized that I have not even brushed my hair or put on deodorant, but there is a slight chance that MAYBE we might make it on time....I'll just brush it on the way to school and keep my arms down. NOPE. Oh wow, look, someone removed my brush from my purse that I hide in there because everyone loses the brushes. Whatever...I'll just brush it with my fingers I guess and do the walk of shame because I'm almost there now. I get into the school...and I kinda feel like "that mom" when I see the eyes of the office peeps, if you don't know what that means...count yourself lucky ducky...because being "that mom" is never that much fun. I know...because I'm pretty much always "that mom". Then I take Aubs to the nurse to give the nurse the medicine for the poison ivy and the assistant volleyball coach is in the hallway, and I want to explain the debacle from yesterday, but my hair is a hot mess, I'm not wearing any make up, Joey is covered in donuts, Aubreigh is covered in poison ivy, and at that point I'm just really trying to avoid eye contact and hope she doesn't recognize me...which I'm sure was the wrong thing to do and will make life all that more awkward for me when I try to explain to them that they dialed the wrong phone number yesterday and that's why they had to wait two hours at the school with my kid.
Am I crazy? Absolutely. So please proceed with caution...because one day I'm probably not going to just apologize for being late...I"m going to go on a rampage about the crap that happened to me that day and give you about 15 common sense ways to have solved the problem you had...because that's one good thing my crazy life has provided for me....I very seldom get mad at anyone because I completely understand, not just that...I have full faith that I can survive an apocalypse better than your average bear because adaptation is my life homie. Nothing EVER goes as planned. So I welcome the apocalypse because I really feel like that will be my time to shine. Until then, I'll just keep trying my best to fit into a society that can't possible understand me because I'm soooo "that mom".
